October 31, 2009

I never thought I could get mad at you.

I know it’s possible but I thought not for me and I know I have to fight damn much to show you what I deserve.
I’m almost done with it.
Still have trouble in trusting myself as good as I want to.
But how do you think I’m gonna succeed if all it’s happening leave me straight to disaster!?
I know you helped me a lot and I am so happy for it , but sometimes I feel so alone, like this moment.
I asked you to give me an idea how to get higher , I don’t see it.
I need to succeed , I need what I dream of and I’m not giving up.
I try to write this , it feels so hard because I don’t see a reason.
I am mad at you, I still love you , I will always do , but day by day things turn worst and worst just …I just don’t see a door , no nothing I can see.
I’ve lost people I love..d , I feel like people don’t appreciate me the way I deserve.
I am really good in many things, but here comes again…things against me seems like will never let me be , time never loves me ; it’s too small or too large.
Sometimes even I ,can’t let myself …
I’m the perfect creature to explain life’s plans for destruction .
There’s no more surprises. I ‘ve seen it all
How about human nature? Makes me sick. People forget that this world it’s just one part , this is not all , this is not everything .
I see people focused on their problems and problems like : ” I wanna be a super-star ” and blah blah , doing bad things for it..and this a rule, you can’t really go up higher being a good person , there should be a miracle.
People getting cars and big big houses and 3 or 4 m away from them are sitting poor people with no food for the next day, I mean many reach people should do something good for this kind of humans.
I see people who have everything but for just one thing, they put their lives in danger , how it’s that possible?
We are all making errors but we shouldn’t act like we do, this is what it’s going to makes us fall , oh but sorry we are falling from a long time.
Hmm let me think , there are many things humans destroy , and makes me feel so sad I can’t stop them.
Scary is the fact that this is just the beginning . We will not recognize each others in the next 30 40 years or less.
I wake up in the morning and if something it’s not working the way I want , I remember sweet things in this world , because even it’s hard to believe they exists .
I do remember and think about birds , trees , sunshine , chocolate (I love chocolate) , flowers , people I love and respect ( they’re not too much ) , a song or songs I truly love to hear , peace and things like that.
About persons I respect , first of all it’s not a person it’s my sweet baby , my sweet parrot named Pikolina Jessica Renata , she always makes me smile and she gives me unconditional love that I need. She have her personality , well she’s my sweet everything.
We are playing all the time. She likes to discover she’s an adventurous parrot and I love to take her in places she haven’t been , places like my chiffonier or a drawer , she likes to travel with my plastic pirate ship on the carpet, she knows when I’m mad at her , she is also funny and really lovely and loving parrot.
For me it’s not a parrot she’s my sweet baby.
I’ve discovered such pure feelings , because she gived that to me , so when I need love , I could accept only pure love , that is really hard to find today.
It’s not ok this way and nothing we could do by individual.
I don’t exactly know what I presented here , but I would say it’s a small small part of my thoughts.
” See you next Wednesday ;> ” let’s see if you can recognize this

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